Hello Darlin.....IT'S BEEN A LONG TIME - -

Hmm..




I don't' know what to say.

I never do in these sort of situations. Yes, this a pattern..

Yes, I'm that friend.

I'm that family member.

I'm that acquaintance.

The one that disappears for long periods of time w/ out explanation. Who avoids contact when something's wrong. And then doesn't know how to show up again. And then that becomes the new what's wrong.

I don't know why. I'm sorry.



Initially, yes, there was a plausible reason. There were many.

But they seem distant now,and I don't feel like talking about them. Does that sound selfish? It does in my head..It sounds exactly like when 5 yr old doesn't feel like picking up his toys.

It's not that I don't feel like talking about them so much as there's just so much to talk about that it makes every individual thing seem very, very irrelevant. And it sort of puts a knot in my stomach. I don't' know why I'm this way.

I hate this kind of thing. This conversation (ironically one sided as it may be) is making my stomach hurt.

Screw it. Okay listen, we're just going to pretend like this whole conversation..this whole lame, unproductive attempt to explain things didn't happen. I could make it actually not happen..just press delete right now..But if I publish it, I think it'll make me feel a little better.

Also, I love y'all. Thank you for concern..your suggestions...the award...the hugs..and for coming back to see if I'm back yet.

And also, Merry Christmas and Happy New Year. (I'm well aware of how lame that was..Don't expect your birthday cards to be on time either..yes, I'm that girl)






(This is me and Mr. Mustang dancing at the company Christmas party.. Mr. Mustang is doing his signature dance-behind-me-with-his-arms-up move. See how my arms look like two blurs at the bottom? That's how my brain feels today. By today, I really mean lately. But today I'm choosing to blame Pearl Jam..for all the confusion, nostalgia, emotion, defeat, introspection. Some would say the blame belongs with me for inserting the old burned CD into my player at lunch,..and then turning the volume up really loudly.
But I blame Eddie for writing "Footsteps". It's all his fault today.)