Hey you! Remember me? I was there the night we scored some pot off of Keri's boyfriend and snuck out her window to smoke it in the driveway.. Remember? Remember that U shaped driveway that we practiced driving around and around and around in her dad's beat up Subaru? And we would all pile in the front seat because the back seat was draped in that old Mexican rug where it appeared the dogs had decided to take turns shaving each other. And off we would go, piled high in the front seat of a beat up Subaru riding around and around in that bumpy-ass driveway..
But anyhoo, remember that motion light that was literally RIGHT BESIDE the 'sneak-out' window? Remember how hard it was to remember that motion light when even the slightest bit inebriated? Well, this night we were way beyond slightly inebriated and we did not remember the motion light and one of us stepped just a tad too far to the left and BOOM we were caught in the bright light,..exposed...and even though it happened literally every time we ever snuck out of there, it always shocked us and we would freeze and say "shit!" under our breathes..
The crazy thing about all the 'sneaking' in and out of Keri's house was that we didn't have to.. Her mom was either the hardest sleeper on planet earth, or just didn't care. Either way I distinctly remember quite a few instances in which we snuck out the window and later walked in the front door. But sneaking out a window makes everything you are about to do tremendously more thrilling. Even if, like this particular night, you are in your Joe Boxer boxer shorts and a t-shirt and you're simply going to stand in the dark driveway and smoke a joint with your girlfriends..
So if you'll remember, the 'sneak out' window was actually very high off the ground. So much so that I believe we had to stand on a chair.. Anyway, this particular time Keri was extremely (and uncharacteristically) paranoid and was shushing us and creeping around like a crazy person and we thought this was absolutely the funniest thing that had ever happened on the face of the earth. On this particular high, Keri had all of a sudden decided that she cared if her mom heard us and was deathly afraid of such a thing happening.. It was like she and I had swapped brains and she was scared shit-less. She got in the window quietly and without incident. I slid in as quietly as I could (remember? I had a LOT of practice sneaking around because my parents were determined to ruin my life by way of grounding). Then it was your turn. I don't know what we were thinking letting you go last. You were the shortest one of us and obviously I should have gone last. But it is certainly possible that our reasoning capabilities weren't exactly fine tuned yet.
So here you come...at the exact moment you reached up and started to hoist yourself through the window Keri's crazy little dog realizes something is awry. Apparently the dog is convinced that we are terrorists coming to steal all the bacon and burn toilet paper with matches and begins frantically running up and down the hall and every time she does the china cabinet glass shakes and tinkles and at this point Keri literally loses it. Of course we thought this was hilarious; partly because of the pot and partly because Miss Cooley, cool- ass Keri never, never lost it; she was too cool. But here she was in front of our eyes shushing the dog and yelling (in her whisper voice )at you and giving me the evil eye for laughing. You got so tickled you literally could not pull yourself in. Sadly, giggling engages the stomach muscles.. The same stomach muscles you needed to pull yourself the rest of the way inside. You were stuck there: half-way in, half-way out the window with the motion light shining off your butt. I kept having visions of you trapped there forever in this weird Winnie the pooh like pose and us having to bring you food and water and cigarettes.
Keri was acting like a wild woman, I was giggling uncontrollably, and the dog couldn't stop running up and down, up and down. At this point she knew it was us and not bacon-stealing terrorists but it had turned into an exhilarating game because she too had never seen Keri lose it like that. You were suspended there for a good half hour giggling and sputtering and occasionally letting out that high pitched laugh-squeal and there I was by your side pretending to help pull you in the window to appease Keri (who was literally cursing us in whispers by this point). Each time I made a real effort to pull you in, I would be struck by how hilarious the situation was and I would start up giggling all over again. When we finally pulled you in and calmed down we could have lit a cigarette off of Keri's cheeks.. good times. good times..
But anyhoo, remember that motion light that was literally RIGHT BESIDE the 'sneak-out' window? Remember how hard it was to remember that motion light when even the slightest bit inebriated? Well, this night we were way beyond slightly inebriated and we did not remember the motion light and one of us stepped just a tad too far to the left and BOOM we were caught in the bright light,..exposed...and even though it happened literally every time we ever snuck out of there, it always shocked us and we would freeze and say "shit!" under our breathes..
The crazy thing about all the 'sneaking' in and out of Keri's house was that we didn't have to.. Her mom was either the hardest sleeper on planet earth, or just didn't care. Either way I distinctly remember quite a few instances in which we snuck out the window and later walked in the front door. But sneaking out a window makes everything you are about to do tremendously more thrilling. Even if, like this particular night, you are in your Joe Boxer boxer shorts and a t-shirt and you're simply going to stand in the dark driveway and smoke a joint with your girlfriends..
So if you'll remember, the 'sneak out' window was actually very high off the ground. So much so that I believe we had to stand on a chair.. Anyway, this particular time Keri was extremely (and uncharacteristically) paranoid and was shushing us and creeping around like a crazy person and we thought this was absolutely the funniest thing that had ever happened on the face of the earth. On this particular high, Keri had all of a sudden decided that she cared if her mom heard us and was deathly afraid of such a thing happening.. It was like she and I had swapped brains and she was scared shit-less. She got in the window quietly and without incident. I slid in as quietly as I could (remember? I had a LOT of practice sneaking around because my parents were determined to ruin my life by way of grounding). Then it was your turn. I don't know what we were thinking letting you go last. You were the shortest one of us and obviously I should have gone last. But it is certainly possible that our reasoning capabilities weren't exactly fine tuned yet.
So here you come...at the exact moment you reached up and started to hoist yourself through the window Keri's crazy little dog realizes something is awry. Apparently the dog is convinced that we are terrorists coming to steal all the bacon and burn toilet paper with matches and begins frantically running up and down the hall and every time she does the china cabinet glass shakes and tinkles and at this point Keri literally loses it. Of course we thought this was hilarious; partly because of the pot and partly because Miss Cooley, cool- ass Keri never, never lost it; she was too cool. But here she was in front of our eyes shushing the dog and yelling (in her whisper voice )at you and giving me the evil eye for laughing. You got so tickled you literally could not pull yourself in. Sadly, giggling engages the stomach muscles.. The same stomach muscles you needed to pull yourself the rest of the way inside. You were stuck there: half-way in, half-way out the window with the motion light shining off your butt. I kept having visions of you trapped there forever in this weird Winnie the pooh like pose and us having to bring you food and water and cigarettes.
Keri was acting like a wild woman, I was giggling uncontrollably, and the dog couldn't stop running up and down, up and down. At this point she knew it was us and not bacon-stealing terrorists but it had turned into an exhilarating game because she too had never seen Keri lose it like that. You were suspended there for a good half hour giggling and sputtering and occasionally letting out that high pitched laugh-squeal and there I was by your side pretending to help pull you in the window to appease Keri (who was literally cursing us in whispers by this point). Each time I made a real effort to pull you in, I would be struck by how hilarious the situation was and I would start up giggling all over again. When we finally pulled you in and calmed down we could have lit a cigarette off of Keri's cheeks.. good times. good times..
When our motion light goes off at home, this memory pops up and I giggle to myself and wish I had a joint to smoke in the driveway.
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